Home...

What does home mean?  What does it feel like?  What does it look like?  Is it wherever you make it?  Is it a person?  Is it whatever you want it to be?

I was born and raised in and near Seattle, Washington.  I figured I would live my entire life there.  My wife was born with wanderlust.  She isn't very good at being in one place for very long.  She likes new and shiny.  I remember a fight we had a few years ago.  I remember it very clearly.  She had always wanted to move south.  Mexico was the ultimate goal.  Sun, beaches, more beaches.  I never wanted to leave Washington.  I loved the green, the rain, the mountains, the water.  It was a big fight, but like most of our fights, it didn't last long.  I don't even know if she remembers it.  Then, it happened.  A year ago, I was given the opportunity to teach in rural New Mexico.  There was no water and no beach, but there was sun.  There was something our children had never experienced before.  So, we decided to take it.  One year ago, I moved to New Mexico.  Approximately 10 1/2 months ago, my family joined me in New Mexico.

There's something about moving 1500 miles away that no one ever talks about.  No one ever talks about the loneliness.  You can be in a town of 20,000 people and in a house of 5 and it is incredibly lonely.  Teaching is a lonely profession too.  Believe it or not.  I spend my entire day with 12-15 year olds.  They're not so good at water cooler talk and "office gossip."  Trust me, they're really good at gossip, but I don't really care who broke up with whom this week.  Thank God for our home.  At least there, I've felt safe.  I had my wife and my children and my mother.  But when I would look around at the red rocks and the blue sky - it wasn't home.

"They" say that the first year of teaching is the hardest.  (no, I do not know who they is)  Let me tell you, it sucks.  However, I had an ally.  In many senses of the word, he kept me sane.  He was there to bounce ideas off of and he listened to me vent.  He made me a lot less lonely at school.  Then, right after Thanksgiving break, he was gone.  Just poof - there one day and gone the next.  Don't worry - he's not dead or anything as morbid as that.  Just other circumstances took him out of teaching and out of town.  And when he left, I was lonely again.  At least at school.  Not to say anything of the fact that his departure reeked of injustice and homophobia.  So, I felt unsafe.  Unsafe in my school and classroom.  And no one at school wanted to talk about it.  So, the what ifs invaded my brain.  What if... What if... What if...

Things have gotten better over the last few months.  I can figure out when not to go shopping at Wal-Mart.  I have students that want to talk to me and be in my class.  I have come to enjoy hiking with virtually no shade in sight.  I know where to go visit the tall trees.  I still have no water nearby and the people are sometimes ... odd.  But, who's not?  But it's still not home.

So, I'm going home.  My wife is already there.  I'm jealous.  That's OK to admit, right?  I'm terribly jealous.  She's well on her way to finding a new job and she gets to wake up to green.  I am here and terribly lonely and I wake up to rocks.  Tomorrow (today) I wake up to politics and a new principal.  I go to work with people that know me on the surface.  There is no one that I trust to kick me under the table in case I say something I shouldn't.  I hardly ever say anything I shouldn't since I don't know anyone well enough to be that vulnerable.  I want to be home now.  I have no idea what I'll do for money when I get there.  I have a house to pack up and move.  I refuse to be paralyzed with anxiety and fear though.  Because she's at home.  She's going to be there when I get home.  I need to pack up and get the heck out of here as soon as I can.  I need water and trees and rain and her.  I need her.  She used to tell me she didn't need me, but she wanted me in her life and that was much more powerful.  It was...now, every fiber of my being needs to be with her.  I need our family to be together.  I need us.  I have no idea how to end this rambling, ranting, continuous thought.  However, "there's no place like home...there's no place like home."

Why we chose reconciling

I wasn't going to post this publicly because I was a tad bit afraid of offending someone.  Then I got to thinking, if I'm afraid of offending someone, I probably shouldn't say it at all.  So, I just decided I would post it.

A few weeks ago, our church celebrated our reconciling status.  What is reconciling?  Well check out http://www.rmnetwork.org/ for more information.  I'm really proud to attend a church that has chosen to walk this deliberate path.  I am sure it was/is difficult for them and I'm also quite sure they lost congregation members when they made that decision.  However, I, for one, am extremely grateful they did.

So, our pastor asked me to speak to the congregation about why we choose to attend a reconciling church and this is what I said...

I grew up believing that loving someone of the same gender was something to be overcome.  “Same sex attraction”, “so called gays & lesbians”, “gay lifestyle”, “gay agenda” “temptation” – call it what you will, it means the same thing.  What I feel is not real.  How I love is not equal to how the other 90% ish loves.  I was lucky enough to find my one true love and come out in a family that loved me and accepted me no matter what.  Even then, I thought that a part of my life would have to be ignored.  I thought that I could not be a Christian and gay.  I thought Gay Christian was an oxymoron.

In 2006, Katie & I had a beautiful baby boy.  We have always tended towards being loners.  Most weekends are just us and our family.  There came a time when we wanted our son to attend Sunday school.  We wanted to find a community.  However, it gets really old trying to Google churches and their viewpoints on homosexuality.  Most people that are trying to find a church, don’t even think about that.  They find one that is convenient to their house and the people are friendly.  Maybe they consider if they like the way the pastor speaks or if the coffee and cookies after services are home made.  They don’t think about how they will be silently judged (or not so silently), they don’t consider whether or not they would be able to attend a relationship seminar at their church, they don’t think about communion and if they would be refused at the altar.  These are things we had to think about.  We wanted to be accepted, not just tolerated.  We wanted to be fully participating members of a church family, not relegated to sit in the back row in the hopes that we wouldn’t speak up. 

So, in this modern age, we Google.

“we aren’t anti-gay, we’re pro family” – nope, not that one.

“Homosexuality is not a "valid alternative lifestyle." – uh huh

“love the sinner, hate the sin.” – ugh

“not a normal condition, the acts being against nature are objectively wrong.” – yikes

“we invite and welcome all persons of every age, gender identity, racial or ethnic background, sexual orientation, marital or socioeconomic status, nationality, physical or mental ability into full participation in the life of this faith community.” – ah, that sounds better.

From the moment, we walked into the doors at Light of Hill, we found a place that welcomed us and didn’t just tolerate us.  No one asked us, “so, who is the mom?” no one questioned if we were sisters or roommates.  Love is love and ours was recognized as such.  Our family is treated as simply that, another family.  That’s why we’re here.  That’s why we drive from Olympia to attend church.

It’s also why, it’s important that you tell your story.  It isn’t easy to find someplace like this.  Some of you may wonder why it matters that you have the Reconciling Ministries sign on the church sign, or why the pins matter or why you have to “advertise it.”  We are why.  There are people out there that are searching.  People that want to embrace a faith community, people that want to attend church on Sundays and give of their time, money and talents.  Share their God given gifts with someone else.  There are children that need to hear that God loves them, there are families and couples who want to attend church on Easter and Christmas Eve.  There is still a great divide in the Methodist church and you must advertise that you are a loving, welcoming, accepting congregation.  Otherwise, so many of those searchers will just stop searching.  They won’t ever know that you exist.  Trust me, I know it can be difficult to say, “yea, you’re welcome here.” You don’t want to be any different than anyone else.  This is hard for me.  To stand here and talk to you about our journey.  We want to be like everyone else.  That is the ultimate goal.  That you won’t notice that we happen to be a 2-mom family.  That you may find yourself wondering why our beautiful children look like both of us.  That you won’t even question their genetics.  However, until the rest of the world accepts our differences as just something like I’m right handed and you’re left handed, we have to stand up.  We have to yell and scream that all are welcome.

Macklemore has a song that says,

“Whatever god you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it's all the same love
About time that we raised up”

(Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.  "Same Love")